#AutisticAF Out Loud
Johnny Profane (Knapp Âû)
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johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com
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7 Autistic Decades. I'm Still Driven. What If I NEVER Get “There...”?
Still driven to matter. Desperately. Almost 73. And I can’t unwind… busted springs, broken dancer in a jewel box. This piece isn’t an answer. It’s an accusation. And underneath? A terrified question…
Autistic in a Sea of Faceless Ghosts… I Still Want to Remember You
Note to long-time subscribers: You’re seeing this one again cuz I’ve given the original video a serious makeover. Then tucked it into a small archive of live spoken word pieces, for the newer folks…
This Autistic Elder Looks Back… without Shame
If you’re drawn to the raw experience born of neurodivergence, disability, trauma… or just honest storytelling that doesn’t sanitize the hard parts… Maybe this one’s for you. With full transcript,…
On Autistic Burnout: "Believe I'll Ch-Ch-Change... My Shirt"
IntroSomeone said an average writer “borrows.” The other kinds, both kinds... steal out right.Bowie, Robert Johnson, Marvin Gaye. I owe you guys one for this. Believe I’ll Ch-Ch-Change… My…
"every clock is a handgun pointed at my head"
Full Spoken Word TranscriptMy time, it can’t be measured. Not a dimension. It’s a force.A violent force.every clock is a handgun pointed at my headIIIEvery clock is a handgun pointed at my headEvery…
Autistic Elder on this Moment...? “Slouching toward Montauk”
IntroMy grandfather was a… complex man.He slept beside an orderly nightstand.Tucking Mein Kampf tightIn its tidy drawer every night.And…He used to take me sailing.{Silence}Is listening more your…
Friends, Grief & Autism…? They say we have no feelings…
Friends, Grief & Autism…? They say we have no feelings…They say autistics don't have emotions. Don't make friends. Clue, I ain't Spock.This is "My Friend Billy." A spoken word piece about grief,…
Family, School, Work? They created this autistic bad@$$.
Where does my autistic rage come from? Not from being born wrong. From being raised, schooled, mocked, trained, therapped, and medicated into it.This is about the source. The ones who created what…
Like Some Angel with a Dislocated Shoulder: Song for My Autistic Son
A father’s reflection on parental regret, missed connections, and what it means to forget the life you didn’t live. Raw spoken word + visual art. No hidden meanings. No inspiration. Just what it’s…
Family is complex for me. Autistic + ADHD... but Shameless.
A spoken word piece about family wounds, estrangement, and choosing to live unapologetically. From Elvis dying on Mount Marcy to stalking Death Valley stars—this is what shameless looks like when you…
Trump Brings Gaza War Crimes Home to US Autistics
Trump brings Gaza war crimes home to US autistics.Using starvation to subjugate people is a war crime, whether at the point of a gun or denying SNAP benefits.November 1st, SNAP halted. Healthcare…
LIVESTREAM: Trump Brings Gaza War Crimes Home to US Autistics
Thank you to everyone who tuned into my live video! Join me for my next live video in the app.Show notes and transcript up tomorrow, 11/3.#AutisticAF Out Loud Newsletter is a reader-supported…
My Autism? Failing Upward to Burn Out? Or Succeeding Downward to...
My autism? Failing upward toward collapse, succeeding downward toward joy? What if you weren't born to produce anything? 👉 New Chapbook: "every clock is a handgun pointed at my head" →…
RFKjr, Tylenol... Autism? Facts Ain't the Point
RFK Jr.’s autism claims aren’t about helping anyone—they’re about deciding who gets to exist in America.👉 New Chapbook: “every clock is a handgun pointed at my head” -…
I saw... "Trump Disbands Congress." The Autistic Implications
👉 Check out Trigger Warnings playlist More analysis on how world events impact neurodivergent lives and practical resistance strategies. I just saw Trump disbands Congress. For all intents and…
LIVE: Urgent Trigger Warnings, Plus RFKjr & Autism…
Thank you to everyone who tuned into my live video! Join me for my next live video in the app.Trigger Warnings: Trump Disbands CongressSources:Democracy Now!democracynow.org/2025/10/8/adel…“Scary…
That Autism Superpower Thing... Let's Blow the Whole F-&%ing Myth Up
👉A live reading from the Amazon book, “every clock is a handgun pointed at my head.”What You’re About To WatchA quick, sharp destruction of the “autism as superpower” narrative that’s everywhere in…
S5E11 Live Autistic Truth: "sneaking my mother's creepy g-d on high"
Video SummaryA cinematic spoken word piece that cuts through decades of family silence with surgical precision.Set against the Heaven's Gate cult tragedy and Hale-Bopp comet of 1997-98, this hybrid…
What They Didn’t Tell Me About My Autistic Body… That Remembers Everything
Content Note: Sexual abuse, family trauma, therapy processing, strong language, intense emotional contentVideo SummaryThis live piece cuts to the bone of what trauma recovery actually looks like.…
Live Autistic Truth: "Dancing Close to the Edge of the Noise"
👉 Subscribe… free or paid… to Substack, get a free PDF of the entire "every clock is a handgun pointed at my head" collection.👉 Support my work → Available as Amazon ebook or softcover. Exclusive…
Frequently Asked Questions
#AutisticAF Out Loud has published 71 episodes since June 2021, covering topics in Health & Fitness, Mental Health.
#AutisticAF Out Loud is currently declining with new episodes every 2 weeks. Average episode length is 13m.
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