Dating on High Alert
Ilja Abbattista
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About This Podcast
Dating on High Alert dives into the messy reality of relationships and life, neurodivergence, trauma, masking, and survival mode - because when your nervous system has spent years trying to keep you safe, connection gets complicated.
Hosted by Ilja Abbattista - trauma-informed coach, survivor advocate, and AuDHD truth-teller - this podcast explores ADHD, autism, CPTSD, attachment, emotional overwhelm, nervous system responses, and what it actually means to build safety in love and life after survival.
For neurodivergent people, trauma survivors, partners, and couples trying to understand each other more deeply.
Because this isn’t just about dating.
It’s about learning to hear yourself again, in life and in love.
New episodes weekly.
Until next spiral.
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Recent Episodes
ADHD Medication Revealed My Autism | The Day My Brain Went Quiet
Send us Fan MailWhat really happens when you start ADHD medication?In this episode of Dating on High Alert, Ilja Abbattista shares her honest personal experience of being diagnosed with ADHD in her…
Stop Giving People an Exit Before They've Chosen to Stay
Send us Fan MailHave you ever told someone everything about your past, only to watch them pull away?Maybe you've called it honesty, or you've called it vulnerability.Maybe you've convinced yourself…
Read. Forgotten. Devastated. (You've Been Both.)
Send us Fan MailWhat happens when you read a message, mean to reply… and then completely forget?And what happens when someone does the same thing to you?In this episode of Dating on High Alert, we’re…
You Can’t Love Well From a False Map | Dating on High Alert with Ilja Abbattista
Send us Fan MailYou Can’t Love Well From a False Map | Dating on High Alert with Ilja AbbattistaWhat happens when the information you’ve used to understand yourself was never built for the full…
ADHD, AuDHD & The Fear of Leaving Relationships When Faced With the Unknown
Send us Fan MailWhat if the intensity you’re feeling… isn’t connection?In this episode of Dating on High Alert, we’re looking at something that doesn’t get talked about anywhere near enough - the way…
Your Body Already Knew...Your mind Just didn't Want To Know
Send us Fan MailYour Body Already Knew. Your Mind Just Didn’t Want to Know.Have you ever had a feeling about someone that you kept explaining away?It wasn't because you were naïve, or because you…
Why Do I Keep Finding Myself Here? Here's how you change it.
Send us Fan MailYou don’t keep choosing the same person.It just feels like you do.Different face. Same pattern.Different relationship. Same ending.Different version of you… somehow still stuck in the…
Why You’re Late for People You Love (ADHD, Autism & Time Blindness Explained)
Send us Fan MailWhy are you late… even when you care?In this episode, we’re talking about ADHD, autism, and time blindness, and why AuDHD brains experience time completely differently.This is not an…
Negative Self Talk, AuDHD, Mindset and Masking part 3
Send us Fan MailIn the final part of the masking trilogy, Ilja goes somewhere she has never gone publicly before.This episode isn’t theory, it’s truth.The difference between the self-criticism you…
The Engine Behind the Mask: Hyper-vigilance, AuDHD & cPTSD | Masking Part 2
Send us Fan MailIf you’ve ever been told you’re too sensitive, too alert, or overreacting… this episode is going to land.In Part Two of the masking series, Ilja Abbattista goes deeper into what’s…
Masking, ADHD & Autism: Why Unmasking Isn’t Always the Answer
Send us Fan Mail💬 Need support with this right now? If this episode brought something up for you, you don’t have to sit with it alone.Dear Ilja is real-time voice note support, for when you’re…
“You’re Too Sensitive": When Feeling Everything Isn’t Weakness
Send us Fan MailWhat if being “too sensitive” isn’t a flaw… but a nervous system that learned to pay attention?In this episode, Ilja explores what it means to feel everything deeply, the overwhelm,…
Why Rejection Hits So Hard
Send us Fan MailWhy does something small feel so devastating?A delayed reply. That shift in tone. A cancelled plan.And suddenly your whole body reacts.In this episode of Dating on High Alert, I’m…
Dating on High Alert: When Ambiguity Feels Like Chemistry
Send us Fan MailThere was a relationship in my life that felt electric.Not chaotic. Not obviously toxic. But ambiguous.And that ambiguity felt like chemistry.In this episode of Dating on High Alert,…
Impulsive Spending Isn’t About Discipline
Send us Fan MailIn this episode, I’m talking about impulsive spending, but not in the way it’s usually framed.This isn’t about budgeting tips or learning to “just say no.”It’s about the nervous…
I Only Do Things at the Last Minute (and I Hate That About Me)
Send us Fan MailWhy do some of us only seem able to start when the pressure is unbearable?In this episode, I’m talking honestly about last-minute living, not as a productivity problem, but as a…
Masking didn't break you - it helped you to survive!
Send us Fan MailIn this episode of Dating on High Alert, Ilja explores masking through a trauma-informed lens, especially for people with ADHD, autism, and complex trauma.Rather than treating masking…
When You Go Quiet: Shutdown Isn’t Indifference, It’s Protection
Send us Fan MailShutdown doesn’t look dramatic. It looks quiet.It looks like going flat. Pulling back. Not having the energy to explain. Losing your appetite. Staying in bed because your body won’t…
Re-entry & Framing - Why Ambiguity Hits So Deep
Send us Fan MailFor a lot of neurodivergent people, especially those living with ADHD, autism and trauma, ambiguity doesn’t land as “nothing is happening yet.” It lands in the body. As activation. As…
Intuition or Hypervigilance? Understanding the Difference in a Trauma-Shaped, Neurodivergent Nervous System
Send us Fan MailFor many of us with trauma and neurodivergence, telling the difference between intuition and hyper-vigilance isn’t simple. The body reacts before the mind can make sense of what’s…
Frequently Asked Questions
Dating on High Alert has published 38 episodes since May 2025, covering topics in Relationships, Society & Culture.
Dating on High Alert is currently highly active with new episodes weekly. Average episode length is 28m.
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