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Dating on High Alert dives into the messy reality of dating with ADHD and trauma - because when your heart's in survival mode, love gets complicated. What could possibly go wrong?
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Why Rejection Hits So Hard
Send a textWhy does something small feel so devastating?A delayed reply. That shift in tone. A cancelled plan.And suddenly your whole body reacts.In this episode of Dating on High Alert, I’m talking…
Dating on High Alert: When Ambiguity Feels Like Chemistry
Send a textThere was a relationship in my life that felt electric.Not chaotic. Not obviously toxic. But ambiguous.And that ambiguity felt like chemistry.In this episode of Dating on High Alert, I’m…
Impulsive Spending Isn’t About Discipline
Send a textIn this episode, I’m talking about impulsive spending, but not in the way it’s usually framed.This isn’t about budgeting tips or learning to “just say no.”It’s about the nervous system.The…
I Only Do Things at the Last Minute (and I Hate That About Me)
Send a textWhy do some of us only seem able to start when the pressure is unbearable?In this episode, I’m talking honestly about last-minute living, not as a productivity problem, but as a nervous…
Masking didn't break you - it helped you to survive!
Send a textIn this episode of Dating on High Alert, Ilja explores masking through a trauma-informed lens, especially for people with ADHD, autism, and complex trauma.Rather than treating masking as…
When You Go Quiet: Shutdown Isn’t Indifference, It’s Protection
Send a textShutdown doesn’t look dramatic. It looks quiet.It looks like going flat. Pulling back. Not having the energy to explain. Losing your appetite. Staying in bed because your body won’t move,…
Re-entry & Framing - Why Ambiguity Hits So Deep
Send a textFor a lot of neurodivergent people, especially those living with ADHD, autism and trauma, ambiguity doesn’t land as “nothing is happening yet.” It lands in the body. As activation. As…
Intuition or Hypervigilance? Understanding the Difference in a Trauma-Shaped, Neurodivergent Nervous System
Send a textFor many of us with trauma and neurodivergence, telling the difference between intuition and hyper-vigilance isn’t simple. The body reacts before the mind can make sense of what’s…
Dating on High Alert: When Trauma Is the Lens
Send a textThis episode marks a quiet but important moment in Dating on High Alert.After sixteen episodes exploring dating, attachment, intensity, and patterns, I’m naming the lens that’s always been…
How We Self-Soothe When We Don’t Know Where We Stand
Send a textThere’s a stage of dating that doesn’t get talked about enough.You’re not single. You’re not secure. And you don’t quite know where you stand.For many of us, especially neurodivergent,…
I Was Ready… And Then Everything Stopped
Send a textWhy does one plan hijack your whole day?Why can’t you start anything else?Why does a cancellation send you straight into freeze?In this episode, I break down the AuDHD nervous-system…
I Wasn’t Addicted to You - I Was Addicted to the Feeling
Send a textThis episode isn’t about a person.It’s about the feeling your nervous system learned to depend on, and how that same pattern shows up at the beginning of relationships, at the end of…
Impulsive, Reckless & Wired: The Risks We Don't Talk About
Send a textThis is the episode women whisper about but never get to hear.Today, we’re talking openly about impulsive behaviour in neurodivergent women, the fast yeses, the risky sex, the quiet “no”…
Why does calm feel so uncomfortable when all you’ve ever known is chaos?
Send a textIf you live with ADHD, autism, trauma, or the full neurospicy trio, peace isn’t always peaceful at first. Sometimes it feels suspicious. Sometimes it feels empty. Sometimes it feels like…
Overthinking, Over giving, and Over feeling - Why We Do It (and How to Stop Spiralling)
Send a textEver catch yourself replaying a text, analysing a look, or scanning for shifts in someone’s tone, and suddenly, you’re spiralling? This one’s for you.In this episode, we dive deep into why…
When Rejection Feels Like Love
Send a textThere’s a moment after chaos when everything goes quiet, and you realise you’re different. The rush, the spark, the drama that used to feel like connection doesn’t hit the same. You start…
Rebuilding Desire, Connection & Intimacy After Chaos
Send a textWhen you’ve only ever known love that burns, calm can feel like danger.But safety - real, grounded, slow safety - is where desire begins to grow again.There was a time I thought I knew…
Why You Keep Falling for the Wrong Ones (and How to Stop)
Send a textYou know that kind of relationship that feels like a rollercoaster? The butterflies, the intensity, the late-night spirals — we call it “chemistry,” but what if it’s actually chaos?In this…
Sex, ADHD & Trauma: What No One Talks About
Send a textSex is supposed to feel good — safe, connected, playful… right? But what happens when ADHD and trauma are in the room too?In this episode, I get raw and real about how distraction,…
ADHD & Dating: Why We Fall Fast (and Hard)
Send a textEver fallen in love in a week? Named your future kids on date three? Felt like you were spiraling before they even texted back? Same. This episode dives into why those of us with ADHD and…
Frequently Asked Questions
Dating on High Alert has published 26 episodes since May 2025, covering topics in Relationships, Society & Culture.
Dating on High Alert is currently highly active with new episodes weekly. Average episode length is 25m.
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